Maybe you've started treating your wife differently, toomore likely a mom figure even to you, and less like a wife and lover and sexual being. Men are not mind readers. So, youre going to break up a marriage of 43 years, because you dont want to masturbate. . Save yourself it is merely self preservation. Should I ask her what our sex future will be? When we DO have intimacy, it usually comprises me masturbating until she finishes me with her mouth (which she still likes to do) and her using one of those power vibrators that sound like a jackhammer to get herself off. Nowadays due to the requirement of Adult Mens Sex Toys, different kind of online retailer store like Lovecubby available for a variety of high-quality sex toys for men & women that everyone can love. We went to a therapist who separated us and I thought that might help her confidence. You can set things right on this front by planning special dates and mini-vacations so that you can both focus on each other and your relationship without worrying about work, finances, kids and other things. .! 8 reasons why your wife never initiates intimacy, 5 things to do if your wife never initiates intimacy, My wife never wants to have sex 8 ways to initiate intimacy, 15 Things A Woman Can Do to Spice Up the Bedroom, How to Have Better Sex in a Marriage: 20 Helpful Tips, 30+ Best Sex Tips for Women That Drive Men Crazy, 30 Hot Sex Games for Couples to Play Tonight, 10 Helpful Tips if Youre Tired of Initiating Intimacy, 5 Benefits of Maintenance Sex for Relationships and Marriage, How Physical Relationship Before Marriage Affects Your Relationship, How Relationship Coaching for Men Can Transform Your Love, 30 Traditional and Modern Anniversary Gifts Year by Year, Relationship Bullying: Meaning, Signs and What to Do, 100 Romantic and Funny Questions to Ask Your Husband, Top 100 Wedding Registry Ideas That Can Make You Happy, 100+ Inspirational Womens Day Messages for Your Wife, 50 Fun Things For Couples To Do At Home When Bored, 100 Best International Womens Day Quotes for Your Lady, The Importance Of Maintaining Healthy Family Relationships, Sexless Marriage: Reasons, Effects & Tips To Deal With It, What To Do When You Feel No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, 25 Common Marriage Problems Faced by Couples & Their Solutions, 50+ Best Funny Marriage Advice: Finding Humor in Commitment, 35 Relationship Goals for Couples & Tips to Achieve Them, Feeling No Emotional Connection With Your Husband, How to Get Back Together After Separation, 6 Ways to Tell if Someone is Lying About Cheating, 5 Signs That You Are Living in a Toxic Marriage, 7 Important Tips to Build Trust in a Relationship, 10 Effective Communication Skills for Healthy Marriages, 20 Signs of a Married Man in Love With Another Woman. It in no way makes it reasonable or responsible to simply do nothing about it If youre in a relationship, and you just throw your hands up and say, Oh, sorry about your luck honey, but were just going to carve the physical intimacy out of our relationship, and pretend it doesnt matter, then YOU, my friend, are a cruel and selfish asshole. Hey People, when a woman no longer wants sex with a man, it means she is likely not attracted to him anymore. But dont you have a affair, to deal with that sex drive that Im ignoring. It was even suggested I try penile injections at bedtime so I can at least get hard for her pleasure. Be caring. Be the man who won her heart! It feels like torture just coming here and reading because it makes me want some so badly I dont know what to do. But dont give up! I love my wife dearly after 52 years and great grandchildren I would have my junk removed before I hurt my family and our long marriage is a point of great pride and example for these people God allowed us to have in our lives. Jack- SHe aint lost brother. He needs to get his hormone levels tested as he is mostly estrogen dominant and low test. You may be ok with the situation youve created.. thats one thing, but to act as though youre merely tolerating the situation as a martyr is pure BS. It is so sad listening to mostly men talk about their wives not wanting sex. Who knows, maybe something will change as nothing stays the same. If they need get that only from you, so be it. I guess. How To Romantically Flirt With Your Spouse? One reason your wife never initiates affection may be stress related. Like Nike says, just do it. Its been a lonely and humiliating experience. BTWsome in your wifes position build great insurmountable resentment. I feel very bitter about it and although there have been compensations in our marriage- children and now grandchildren I have found her lack of interest difficult to cope with. I cant hurt her, no way! And its been going that way for years. Here are some reasons you can try if your wife doesnt initiate intimacy with you and you want her to be intimate. Lets discuss some of the most frequently asked questions related to what to do if your wife never initiates intimacy. Anything less is slow sewer side. My husband will not have sex with me anymore. Your Wife Seems Uncomfortable When You Initiate Foreplay. It isnt about the phone or computer. What men want is for her to have some of that drive back. No sex 7 years!!! We have been married 38 years, and we love each other very much. I am partly replying and partly commenting on the many very earnest and difficult sexless relationships discussed here. Give her some time to destress by setting up a candlelit bath with her favorite essential oils and bath soak. Im 65, shes 70. A marriage I have no interest in ending, ever. People might think Im lonely but Im not, I work alone and I get all the right answers talking to my self. Over time, expressions of love change form and that unbridled passion can begin to dull down. Because I have no suggestions as to how to change things. 10 year sexless marriage. I went through marital counseling before the wedding. Fundamentally, it comes down to 3 choices: leave, cheat, or suffer. I am a little older but want intimacy so bad. I am very hormonal being athletic and take DHEA supplements which enhance desire. My wife determined several years ago that she no longer has that connection to me, and will eventually leave. But it should not stop like this as it hampering your life. Prostitutes are not a good option since all the bad stuff in the sex industry world and I feel that I am too old to move on and I am not a chick magnet. Instead of focusing on harmful sentiments like, What to do when wife wont put out? try to work on the issues you two are having. My first wife and I married when we were 21. Maybe we should start a group. You can clearly see that she is overworked and avoids intimacy. Even to the point that when she gets sexually turned on it still causes her pain. If his wife doesn't want to meet those needs, she should support him getting them met elsewhere or just set him free . Due to major health issues and aging, we just quit altogether. Take care of yourself. I desire tenderness and affection, not just an orgasm. Think of the biblical verse Ecclesiastes 3. She tricked me, I fell in love, we have 4 grown awesome me, the model relationship in our large family. Dianne. Your email address will not be published. Prostate cancer or vaginal dryness does not preclude you from meeting the sexual needs of your partner out of laziness and a lack of giving a shit. My husband is 46 gringo! I moved on to another job, we did not keep in touch for very long. Addie I think in many cases a therapist is in order but if only one party wants this and the other refuses to address the problem or go to a therapist, then the stalemate will undoubtedly continue unabated until well, divorce or death, whichever comes first! Please enable JavaScript to view the comments powered by Disqus. When your partner wont touch you, there could be infidelity involved, 6. You are so right, I should leave but feel guilty, leaving over sex. But I still feel that my wife is my one and only best friend and while I may be frustrated , I will always hold that more dear than anything else. While my wife does not do drugs or anything like that, she has lost the interest for sex. I mean, we have a nightly generic kiss and slight hug say goodnight. Demanding sex is not way to go, maybe we would like to hear her opinion. State your case, either put out or leave me get some on the side, because you dont care. You both shatter into a million pieces, and when you emerge from the depths of pain for air, you find that though you are still in love with each other, nothing will ever be the same again. I ask why she said it is just how it is. After menopause she lost interest in sex because of vaginal atrophy. More men need to leave their wives when they wont have sex with them. I am new to this. BIG mistake. In the real world things are very different. Its at least mean . What about the years of devotion? Answers where we can talk about it or Im busy right now. I miss the sex, but I miss even more holding her in my arms snuggling with her just touching her maybe copping a feel she sexy. Or make a deal with him, sounds very strong at 76. Whenever equality or egalitarianism gets discussed in the context of marriage, you can be sure this will involve benefits/advantages, whether natural or societal, that men have that ought to be shared equally with women and not benefits/advantages, whether natural or societal, that women have that ought to be shared equally with men. In fact, I recently read that most sexless marriages are due to lack of desire in the men. Im so confused. Or does it not matter what the man wants? I find that unfathomable. well, about a year ago she took it upon herself to say no more sex. When the support isnt there, the emotional intimacy and the physical intimacy are going to suffer. Obviously, if a person is feeling low and theyre feeling depressed, theyre not going to want to interact with others, theyre going to want to isolate themselves. She never apologized. We have been married 10 years and he has never touched me in an intimate way, or never had sex or even tried. If your wife never initiates affection, its time to take the pressure off. Too bad, b/c I think Id be better for him than she could ever be. There are physical and emotion consequences to withholding sex from a partner. The last time I had sex was in 1997. Youre doing them harm when refusing. Fully. A study published by the.
My wife has no desire for sex. What can I do? - TODAY.com she tolerates oral sex only minimally due to some sensitivity she can never explain. She wants no part of it. If you deny one you put a wall around the other. For everything there is a season. Never once I have ever forced myself in any way on my wife. I miss the simple things. Does your wife feel seen and heard in the relationship, or is she never in the mood because she usually feels overlooked? But many times women holds back based on how they are treated. Masturbation in the case of a marriage where one party is no longer interested in having sex and actively resists any overtures along those lines would seem to be the logical course of action. Nothing before marriage, nothing on our wedding night and little to nothing for the next 46+ years. "There is also much more pressure on any sex youdohave since it's happening less frequently; it feels like there is much more at stake each time the two of you are intimate. Harley and Mike, I have a loving wife but her sex drive is down to ziltch. I am planning a divorce, as I wont live out the remaining 20-30 years of my life without love and affection. Maybe not as often or intense, but more tender, Life is complicated and gets more complicated as we get older. I appreciate that No outside agency or individual can fix anything yet they get their fix of adulation with tired Info. I am 65 and raring to go and caopable of satisfying a woman in her 30s. Now when I express frustration, she will occasionally make a half hearted attempt, but rejects me at the last moment which has brought forth some lack of confidence for me and resentment towards her. Step out of your own hurt feelings and into her world. Now its more about independence- Im tired of living in my spouses value system . Help her through this transition andensure that she feels confident, no matter what changes her body has gone through. So.. I read these comments and feel for all of you, especially the men who I share with of which I have similar experiences. Ive been teaching this to other young men for some time. I feel I am too old to move on by myself, most everything in our relationship is good, but sex is very bad. My advice would be to sort these problems out before the years pass and certainly before there are children as I think most men have a stronger sense of loyalty and decency than they are often given credit for and are willing to forgo what is a very primal need for the sake of a stable relationship. It is more than frustrating it is emotionally and physically painful. My wife I encourage to have her hobbies and she is a nice person. You can gently bring up that you want to keep prioritizing your sex life together so your wife understands how you feel and so you can mutually find ways to work on this part of your lives while still being sensitive to her struggles. Life is way too short! You said, So my question to the men here.
Why Doesn't My Wife Want Me Anymore - Is Our Sex Life Over I asked her how long will this take for you to get over this panic stuff. Id go get some attention somewhere if I could. Send Joan your questions by emailingsexpert@seniorplanet.org. Research shows that sexual communication was strongly associated with increased relationship satisfaction and heightened orgasm frequency in women. My wife will listen to my concerns about sex, but will not take hormone supplementation because of the science which indicates it can cause cancer in rare cases. You may find that your perception of the situation is extremely different than theirs . The night my son died was when my loss of interest began, in fact it vanished, period. It makes me sad, and we have talked it out and sadly there is just too much sadness and pain in our relationship for this situation to ever be resolved. If that's true for your marriage, your wife may be holding onto some resentment over the imbalance. If shes got a spouse who is extremely suspicious, shes not going to feel trusted or respected. Sorry Mate. She sleeps in the other room. , checking in with yourself is also good. // Replace PAGE_IDENTIFIER with your page's unique identifier variable I read the frustration and despair in your story and I thank you for being willing to share it here. Instead of asking yourself something along the lines of, What to do when wife wont put out? ask your partner if theyd like to experience something different in bed. Senior Planet subscribers also get The Weekly Orbit, our newsletter with features about personal finance, health and fitness, technology tips, an online book club and more! Learn how your comment data is processed. She needs emotional connectivity even without the expectation of sex, just because it is kind. How about finding self-worth in volunteering at a homeless shelter or soup kitchen? See the New York Times story, Does a More Equal Marriage Equal Less Sex?. He retired a decade ago against my wishes. I so badly need a woman If your wife is pregnant or has had a baby in the last year, it could be a mix of pure exhaustion and wild hormones that are causing her libido to be off kilter. Ive even had the gumption to suggest that if HE doesnt desire sex, then maybe he could still give me pleasure. Or simplify it by bringing home her favorite wine and dining on your patio after the kids are in bed. Its ridiculous. According to my research MOST sexless couple dont divorce. Thank you for sharing! I like cuddling. Youre the only one here who gets the dynamic. He is overly stressed from work. But. Some older couples and married partners with physical disabilities make it work every day and have a satisfying relationship. I am going to be 42 years old!! We could be spontaneous. Most men do their deed and roll over. Sounds like you should try therapy. Fear Of The Wife How Real Is It For Modern Men? With so many of us in similar situations, it would be nice if we could just reshuffle the deck, at least in this one area. 10 years of this and going on5 years since last try, dont sleep in same be, snoring medical issues up down. 17) She doesn't try to make you feel better anymore. Just feel I want to hide away as I know this is not normal . When is the last time you did something romantic for her without expecting sex in return? I still love my wife dearly and I am committed to her but I have to take care of myself. I told her that I did not want that, That I only wanted her but she said she loves me but has no sexual feelings, it is slowly destroying me and I do not know what to do, she refuses to talk about it, will not spoon in bed and pulls away from any hug. Find someone who finds you attractive, become more attractive, get in shape (thats key). For me, its been 8x in 3 yearsand Ive tried talking about it with him as frequency has dwindled to essentially nothing. */ Must he provide her preferred amount of resources (which is much higher than he himself needs) while also accepting her preferred amount of sex (which is much lower than he himself needs) under the guise of equality? Divorce isnt either Im not ever going to hurt her. Hi Mary I dont clean enough, cook enough, keep on top of appointments, follow his assignments since youre retired now, you can do and I get assignments. struggles or clinical depression? Empathy builds into emotional intimacy, and often this is what she needs first before opening up to something physical. I like to think there is hope but unsure. I certainly feel your pain and utter frustration. No one wants to talk about it. We are all misogynistic pigs that just need a hole for our poles. I was in a 22-year same sex relationship in which sex dried up after we had been together about 5 years. If so, it could be that the side effects of her depression, or even the medication she is on to treat it, are lowering her libido. It will only create more distance between you. It is not fair that I have to take care of it by myself! No amount of counseling or therapy etc etc will change this. Important note: The only way to find out exactly why your wife is not interested in sex is to ask her yourself. I found him to be the most attractive man Ive ever met! I am retired on social security, having spent my entire returment funds on an expensive divorce and a protracted hospital stay and heart and brain surgeries. No human being should dominate another person. Even if it is difficult, do everything you can to put yourself in her shoes. Took my wife to Paris, on our 25th wedding anniversary and rented the most romantic flat next to the Eiffel Tower. 90% of my enjoyment of sex is seeing her turned on an having a rip roaring time. Now masturbation does not work so well. However, unless you know why your wife is avoiding sex or any forms of physical intimacy, you wont know what you need to work on. And I still dont even know why! That lie: its not important, only if you want it. A lot of people are martyrs when it comes to sex. "As we age, the vaginal lining becomes thinner, less elastic, and produces less moisture. Why would anyone want to have sex with your pessimistic, crotchety, excuse-ridden ass? I think I was just the sperm donor and now I am the sugar daddy that provides her a comfortable life. But how does that viewpoint help you find happiness in life? I hope to eventually meet another same sex partner willing to take her time and see what works. I like the martyr thing, but its no B.S. Noah loves to write on matters of the heart and mind. If I threw a fit, she would allow it but Buck is correct, who wants to have sex with someone who is repulsed by the act of sex. My wife did not give me your three choices, but they are still there. Also add to the equation what is another possibility here: sexual coercion. Almost all new moms experience what is medically described as the baby blues a sudden feeling of sadness after giving birth, coupled with mood swings and irritability, among other symptoms. Ive tried scheduling, bringing in sex toys, texting, dating, hugging and cuddling in bed you name it. Since husbands are usually thought to be the problem regardless of whether the wife or the husband doesnt want sex, I should say that I do my fair share (50%+) of house chores, am emotionally supportive of her, and a nice guy, but that is irrelevant.